Fill a Page with Words

I was writing out my anxieties this morning, as I had a long-lasting episode of the morning blues. This poem was written in three different segments put together as I talked myself through it. In the end, I did end up feeling better, and I think my day is off on a better foot after some self-expression. 

03122018

"In the utter silence, quiet,
Fill a page with words.
In my head there is a riot,
But all the screams go unheard.

I feel so lost and empty.
It's only six a.m.,
But calling someone's tempting.
My thoughts I do condemn,

They've gotten out of hand,
They are out of my control.
And I do not understand,
How I fell into this black hole.

But the more important question,
Is how do I get back?
Try some self-expression,
To take back control I lack.

Fill a page with words,
Get all the feelings out.
Doesn't matter if it sounds absurd,
Let those screams shout.

Then as it always does,
The feelings will pass.
And I'll rise above,
As it never does last.....

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....But wait, it isn't passing.
Feelings of out-bursting,
Are longer-lasting.
Now I'm thirsting,

For a bit of sanity.
Get my thoughts straight, 
Try to think clearly.
But their timing is too late.

These emotions are relentless.
My coping skills failed me.
And I'm left defenseless,
I'm blinded, I can't see,

Past this state of mind,
Dark and twisted thoughts,
They are not kind,
They come up a lot.

I write about them over and over.
Like a broken record spinning 'round.
I feel like time goes slower.
Spiraling further down.

I thought you said this would pass?
How long do I have to wait?
How long will this last?.....

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....I filled a page with words and letters.
One, then two, in fact.
Now I'm feeling a bit better,
I feel a little more in-tact.

I changed the station for a while,
I'm still not one hundred percent,
I'm okay- but there's no smile.
The feelings have passed to a great extent.

What a relief,
Taking a deep breath.
Those thoughts are a thief,
Stealing happiness.

But the end seems to be in sight.
Down the tunnel,
At the end is a light.
At first it was subtle,
But then it slowly grew bright."
-Alisa Danielle